Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Real 'State of the ART'


In my post on ‘MoDARN Art’ I criticized the way the Cholamandalam painter was splashing the paints on canvas and claiming it to be a work of art. But to me it was just a mix of colors… and personally I would have appreciated a cocktail ice cream with all its colored layers as a wonderful piece of art! At least it quenches something.

Such so called ‘work of art’ leaves you in a state of bewilderment at best (and of course of bankruptcy at worst if you happen to buy it). Modern Art has become little more than "commodity production, investment portfolio and entertainment.”

Art is to have aesthetic validity, cannot be arbitrary and accidental, but must stem from obedience to some worthy constraint. But modern art's "anything goes" attitude signals trouble. One Japanese artist, I believe, was throwing bottles of paint at canvases; another, Kazuo Shiraga, was painting with his feet. In 1960, the French artist Yves Klein used women's nude bodies as paintbrushes, and in 1965, Shigeko Kubota squatted over a canvas to create "Vagina Painting". It is just decadent, debauched, depraved and degenerate. I am lost for words. 

In 2001, a high-priced gallery in London exhibited a work by Damien Hirst consisting of discarded coffee cups, empty beer bottles, candy wrappers and other detritus. It was valued at six figures. But a cleaning man, not being an art connoisseur, tossed the whole thing out with the trash. The cleaning man in my opinion was clearly the right critic!

I think most of the time the critics are more pretentious than the artists because they, in turn, have to validate themselves! When an art critic says, "Look at his/her work and you will be compelled to look inside your own soul for the answer to our destiny...blah blah", does he really believe in what he is saying?

Picasso openly admitted that he fueled the fire by pumping out meaningless work one after another, playing to the audience and the critics--and laughed all the way to the bank. In his own words, “In the arts, people no longer seek consolation, nor exaltation. But the refined, the rich, the indolent, distillers of quintessence seek the new, the unusual, the original, the extravagant, the shocking.” The God of modern art (incidentally he was earlier a traditional artist with high skills) admitted he was a fraud. What more can we say? 

I can go on and on, ranting and lamenting, about the Modern Art. Instead let me wind this up on a lighter vein by sharing an experience of mine. When I was on my own (in ad business), a very reputed edible oil company’s MD used to seek my inputs, almost on anything that’s to do with designing. One day in the evening when I was with him, he showed me a framed modern art painting that was recently bought by him, but yet to be hung on the wall, and asked me where he can place it in the room. I could not fathom the theme of the painting and it was lying on the floor and I felt it was kept upside down. So I asked him, “Are you sure it is right way up?” You will not believe this! He picked up the painting, looked at it from behind and said, “Yah… the hook is here on top. So it is right side up only”. So much for the art aficionado’s taste! And mind you he spent close to 20k on it in 2001.  

Now relax and see the beautiful paintings of John William Godward. This is ART. But he committed suicide at the age of 61 almost a pauper and is said to have written in his suicide note that "the world was not big enough" for him and a Picasso (who had by then minted money on Cubism paintings).





Monday, April 29, 2013

MoDARN Art


Today I was watching the re-telecast of episode 7, Mad Men. It is the sixties-set drama about an ad agency. In this episode there is a scene where a secretary drags a few of her colleagues to Bert cooper’s (agency owner) office to show them his latest addition of ‘Abstract Art Piece’. It is by Rothko, the famous Russian Modern Artist. The painting is given below.

When the characters discuss the painting, I could see the confusion in understanding what it depicts. One talks about it being "so deep you could fall into it"; another couldn't get over the $10k price tag; the secretary dismisses it as "smudges and squares"; another one though familiar with Rothko  is unsure of the deeper meaning.

This brings us to this blog post.

The successful sale at auction recently of a work by Nat Tate, a mythical artist who never existed in real life (except as a character in William Boyd’s book), is a testimony to the most deadpan mockeries of the art world. Tate was completely made up. Proof enough that some pseudo rich wanted to exhibit his refined taste for art by buying a pseudo non-existent artist’s work. Just goes to show how much hyped is this Modern Art.

Years back while working with Mudra (the advertising agency), I had visited the Chennai Artists Village in Cholamandalam, with an Art Director.  One is free to watch the artists and sculptors at work just behind the front-office / art gallery in the open space. Both of us went to watch a painter with a huge canvas in front of him. There was some splash of colors on it and by the side of him a few ACTUAL cement pans (mind you not color palettes!) and also huge spatulas used in the construction industry. He was at least 10 feet away from the canvas and was seriously contemplating.

Initially not wanting to disturb a brooding, creative mind we waited for about 10 minutes... after which hesitantly my AD asked him as to what is the theme of the painting. Pat came the reply. “I don’t know. All I can say is something is emerging”. With that he splashed a spatula full of one color on the canvas form a distance, and again started meditating on it.

There were other people staring at this with one hand on their chins and super serious expressions. One girl was even taking notes! Sometimes I wish I possessed the requisite attention span to absorb endless amounts of totally pointless bullshit. How can a canvas with splashes of paint on it be considered art? If someone tried this back in the renaissance, they would be sent to a mental institute. And all those people with the trendy glasses drinking triple cappuccinos wearing Versace turtle-necks can say "Oh that’s simply fabulous, he's sooo brilliant!"  What a travesty! 

It is similar to the English language that has gone from the beauty of Shakespeare to a series of senseless emoticons and hashtags that we see in the social networks and SMSs. If a person wants to be taken seriously as a literary author, he better know his grammar, style, and a way with words. If a person wants to be taken seriously as a musician/composer, he better know his music theory, or be able to play an instrument. But a modern artist can demonstrate zero proof of his artistic ability in the context of established representative visual art, yet he could end up as a master of modern art?

De-evolution of art… that’s what I would call it. The most controversial thing in the current society is to be a traditionalist in anything with great talent. Nowadays, people feel anxious when they are NOT doing stuff that shocks others. People feel the new normal is to be like this little perv throwing paint on the canvas. Scandalous and controversial would be to do a Ravi Verma these days. President Truman summed up the popular view on Modern Art when he said: "If that's art, then I'm a Hottentot." 

When we walked out the gallery was filled with ready mades, crafts, and other garbage that is deemed art just because the person who made the "work" has some emotional / intellectual / metaphysical explanation for it. I may be looked on as a formalist, but I definitely feel that art should be able to stand by itself without any explanation in order for it to be appreciated as beautiful. One should not walk up to a little note stuck on the painting to try and understand better what the piece is all about.

This experience of mine is no exaggeration. I looked at a so called ‘Conceptual Art’ which was titled ‘Mother and Son’ in that gallery. In spite of a careful scrutiny I couldn’t find a ‘mother’ figure and I asked my AD whether he could spot the lady. He jokingly said that she has gone out. I queried about the SON, because I couldn’t locate him in the painting as well. My AD quipped that he has gone to play and the mother has gone out to look for him!

That being said, I dream of the day I will be able to make my granddaughter Sargam, who is just 2 years, to scribble something and then sell it for a fancy sum.

I think this topic requires yet another posting and I will quote a few more experiences of mine. Till then bye!

Friday, April 26, 2013

Let’s get one thing straight


In my last post LECHEROUS, I casually posed a question whether same-sex people ogling at each other could be construed as being ‘lecherous’? Then my thoughts wandered on gay marriages and their legalization.

Gay Marriage has just become legal in NZ (Congratulations gay people -- you are about to discover the miseries of marriage).


It makes New Zealand the 13th nation to recognize gay marriage. And even though it's a tiny country of 4.4 million population (I have excluded all the sheep, otherwise it would be double this!), it happens to be very progressive in the ways that count. NZ was also the first country in the world to grant women the vote in 1893.  Imagine. It took Australia another 18 years to do the same, the USA till 1920, UK 1928, Italy 1946, and Bahrain 2001.

Though no huge fan of wedlock (of any sort, straight or gay! Hmm... hindsight conclusion) the issue of gay marriage is, to me, a baffling thing. The first and foremost thing is that the word ‘Gay Marriage’ sounds like an oxymoron… as in ‘Happily Married’ being an oxymoron.

In my mind there are other questions. Who will be driving the car and who will be nagging? Who gets the bachelor party? Who wakes up in the middle of the night to check on the noise? Who forgets the anniversary? Who refuses to stop and ask for directions? And who will take time forever to get ready?

In one of the episodes of Two And A Half Men, when Alan is in doubt whether he is queer, Berta says “It’s fine… but the world would be a much happier place once you figure out whether you're the pin or the cushion.” In today’s high-tech jargon this could be reworded as ‘the USB port or the pen drive’.

When it comes to love we are so mechanical: Girl meets Guy. Guy dates Girl. Girl becomes girlfriend. Time passes. Proposal. Ring. Marriage. And then divorce. Now change Girl to guy in that. It sounds very odd. Queer, I should say.

As Mark Gugnar says, "in a way, MARRIAGE IS A COSMIC JOKE because we men and women are so different from each other." To this I should add the appropriate but staid saying "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus." So could it be that Gay marriage is the right answer to this cosmic joke? In any case I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.


Let me say that the word ‘Gay’ only means ‘Happy’ to me. I don't mind straight people acting gay in public... but I mind gay people in public. My ‘sexual orientation’ is... what should I say... mostly horizontal! When gays say that ‘they came out of the closet’, I remember that the only time I was in a closet was when rummaging for a favourite tie of mine!

Remember the joke when women used to say the best ones were either gay or married? Now they can be both.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

lech·er·ous - adjective \ˈle-chə-rəs, ˈlech-rəs\ - lascivious, lustful, lewd, libidinous, licentious, lubricious


Kushwant Singh in his recent interview to a newspaper admitted being a lecher right from when he was four. There was a guilt tone in his admission. He said that when he took stock of his life and drew a balance sheet, being a lecher was on the debit side. I don’t understand why he should feel so. Definitely I didn’t expect this from him.

Some research said that over 80% of men think about sex 19 times a day (mind you this is a recent study that disproved that every 7 seconds men thought about sex… this would have amounted to 8000 times a day, if a 16 waking-hour day is taken). But I am sure most of these sex thoughts in their minds would have had images of women other than their legal partners. Lecherous I should say.

Another research suggests that majority of the men have twice as many sexual partners as women over the course of their lives. The Health Survey for England found that men reported having 9.3 different partners on average. But for that 'on average' I really would have been confused about that 0.3 woman in their lives. Why one-third of a woman for a sexual intercourse?

Anyway, these two researches should put to rest our ‘Singh is king’s mind, that there is nothing abnormal about him. He should quickly move the entry ‘being a lecher’ to the credit side. All straight men are lecherous, if you go by the statistics and research findings. And don't worry king... most of the celebrities are in your league. Even the celebrated sci-fi author Isaac Asimov has penned a book by the name 'Lecherous Limericks' and followed it up with two more books because of its popularity!





Would this mean that Gay people are not lecherous? Would ogling or thinking of a same-sex person be construed as a lecherous act or not?

It is, perhaps, appropriate that the English word lecher comes from the French for licker. If your imagination now runs riot, don't blame me :-))... Which is why the French for window shopping is ‘faire du lèche-vitrine’, which literally means to go window licking.

And incidentally, unless you have a perfect diction, lecher and lecture sound identical. Let me stop this lecture about lecher and move on to catching up with the number mentioned in the ‘sex thought’ research findings :-)) I am lagging behind heavily!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

There is no news like bad news


5 year old raped…
Boston Marathon killing…
Bomb blast near BJP office…


Yesterday’s terrible news about Boston killing is not worse than the killing of over 200 people in Bali a few years ago by Islamic militants. So what can I say?… that we are trending towards abysmal at a slower rate of ghastliness…

Earlier we used to say that a dog biting a man is no news and it is news only if a man bites a dog. Similarly these days with so much of negative news in the media, I am tempted to say that these no longer draw any attention. Only if the news reads “A 5-year-old was given a heart by a brain-dead patient”… “In Boston Marathon, Lakshar-e Omar sponsors all the prizes”…. people will notice.

I guess this is what you might expect from deranged killers and neurotic, psycho characters. I guess they don't see that killing 200 innocent people or molesting a child was being cruel either. How does this kind of brainwashing happen? Are we just as brainwashed by our religions perhaps? Seriously, life is too hard to fathom sometimes.

In fact, sometimes I just want to curl up in bed and stay there and say “enough of this depressing news. Let me now look at the weather girl!”

But all good news need not be good. Sometimes the good news also contains a very strong hint of the bad news:

WIFE TO THE HUSBAND: I have good news, honey.  Your selection of me as a beautiful life partner has been validated… your best friend finds me very attractive as well.

HUSBAND TO WIFE AFTER THE PINK SLIP: Honey… you always wanted me to spend more time with the family. Now it is possible.

DOCTOR TELLING A PATIENT: The bad news is that the chemo will damage you more than the cancer, but the good news is that our hospital bill will act on you before the chemo does.

CAR MECHANIC TELLING THE DOCTOR CUSTOMER: Doc… your car requires an Engine Transplant.


Jokes apart, I am less disturbed about the economy, politics and the environment and more fearful about where humanity and our communities are heading.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Lies, Damned Lies and age


Three different types of lies. Lies, damned lies and 'age’… In 1997, I had a business partner who would never admit his true age (he was fifty then), unless it was a legal matter. He wanted to look young, though he couldn't think young or act young. I used to jokingly say ‘Come on, speak the truth about your age, even if your voice shakes’.

It is quite interesting to note that in our life, we never want to own and be our age.  At 10 we wanted to be seen as teen-agers, at 16 wanted to draw a pencil moustache to look 19, at 21 wanted the world to acknowledge us as a mature man of 28, at 30 wanted everyone to see us as a responsible adult of 35, at 45 craved for recognition as a 35, at 50 refused to gracefully accept ‘growing old’ and behaved like a 40 and suddenly at 55 or so started acting strangely like either a 40 year old or a 70 year old.

The weird behavior of either acting much younger or older at age 55 requires elaboration. The other day my brother was recalling that in 1978, our periappa (mother’s b-in-law), at 55 used to have the dhoti lifted up and tied around the bare chest, acted as though he already had a foot in the grave. The outlook towards life used to be that ‘all commitments of mine are over in life and have to keep chanting Rama, Krishna for salvation’. Even today some retired folks behave this way. But many in today’s generation of 50s, behave like youth and sport Jeans, T-shirt, Shorts etc. sometimes even acting like teens. Incidentally, I have remained 40 for the last 15 years :-). The partner of mine claimed himself to be 40 when his younger brother was known to be 50.

Today in the Social Networks, many men and women do not reveal their age... and if they happen to be above 40 they even display the mug shot taken during their college days. Talking about the age-belying photos, I have to mention that even in the obituary columns in newspapers these days, I find the photos of many YOUNGSTERS who were born in 1920s and died in 2013 :-)