THE ONLY FOOD THAT NEVER GOES UP IN PRICE IS FOOD FOR THOUGHT

In these fitness-crazy, size-zero-goal times, I wanted to try out some serious diet practices to lose weight and keep myself fit as a fiddle (though there is no one to bother about the fiddle:-(. Unfortunately like many other noble intentions of mine, this one is also getting skewed by economic reality (this statement will make sense only to those who know that I am pursuing only non-remunerative passions of mine like writing this post and I am no more the bread winner… not even a crumbs winner :-().

When I decided a month back to follow the GM diet of just vegetables and fruits, I found that, the prices of these had shot through the roof.  Then I thought I should look around for an alternative to the GM Diet. A plethora of products exist to tap into our greatest fears and insecurities. There's always something telling us it will make us thinner, faster, smarter, healthier, better… only if we just spend our money. Also many products labeled “lite”, “diet”, “low calorie”, “low sugar / sugar-free”, ‘Cholesterol-free”, “Fat-free” etc – all of them as tasty as papier-mâché – are all PRICEY compared to their “fattening, high-sugar, cholesterol choking” counterparts. In fact the interesting thing that I found was, the less the ingredients, the higher the price was. If the product doesn’t have MSG, it is priced 25% more. The same with sugar-free and cholesterol-free (English is a funny language… these give the connotation of something being given free while the reality is exactly opposite to that!). Assumably, the ‘less is more’ concept originated years ago… when ‘unleaded’ petrol started selling at a premium than the usual ‘leaded’, though lead is a petroleum ‘additive’. Thus every ‘No xxxx’ proclaimed on the label meant an approx. 20% hike in the price.

A month ago my brother was telling me about a colleague of his in BARC. His colleague being a diabetic used to take his coffee without sugar in the office canteen, but will pack that couple of spoons sugar separately and take it home. The argument being, I have paid for the coffee including the sugar and let me take the sugar for my family. Fair enough… now I am encouraged to quote this to the companies and ask them to either charge me less for all these ‘xxxx-free’ products or give that ‘xxxx’ separately. I remember hearing a joke some years back about Colgate’s toothpaste advertisement that said ‘Get the Ring of Confidence’. One customer after picking up the product from the shelf went to the counter and asked for ‘the ring’ that has been promised in the pack!

Of late there is this fervent belief that organic food is more nutritious. Whether it is nutritious or not, it definitely is expensive. The reason why I am not talking here about the nutrition part is there are varied opinions about what truly is ‘organic’ and whether that ‘true organic’ is better than ‘ordinary’ produce. This is a debatable subject and this post will lose the light heartedness with which I have always presented certain points.

Ok… now let me get back to that light banter. But one thing for sure that I have observed is, the rich who buy only organic or natural products act as though they are morally superior, that they have tender consciences and hug the planet (as well as the small farmer!) on a daily basis while we other non-organics want everyone to die of pesticide poisoning, the earth to become barren and animals / small farmers to suffer. He is the Do-Gooder type you know… buying organic food is like being a super hero with a wallet. He lends support to the humane treatment of animals, conservation of healthy soil, etc. Additionally, not buying "pedestrian(!) food" means not participating in the problems associated with it, like pesticides running into rivers and lakes, farmers committing suicide. He sees us hazarding into a plague-ridden, bionic, sci-fi novel future (which essentially means there is no future). He takes up the ethical banner, and shouts "Never fear, Mother Earth! My conscientious consumer habits will save you from peril!"

The second type, other than the rich, who buys the ‘lite’ or ‘sugar-free’ or ‘organic’ or ‘the naturals’ is the Health Junkie.  He believes that the body's a temple. He does yoga, don pedometers on the belt. He runs those 5K charity runs that occasionally block the roads you were trying to cross. He has read about everything from Alzheimer's to genetic defects that might result from consuming even trace amounts of pesticides, and he is not having any of that. He is fretful and you can't serve him a salad without divulging the origins of your lettuce. He is absolutely a paranoid and makes you feel that you are a glutton and a fat slob.

Usually hiding behind the mask of Do-Gooder and Health Junkie, is the third category of customer - the Highbrow. He is the intellectual God selected to spreading the message. He is the messiah. Any food consumed must be explained to any deeply uninterested soul to reveal origin, health benefits, gourmet pluses, and cost justification… all rattled off like a programmed gadget. He can't wait to tell you that the wine he is drinking was aged in a cave in sealed earthenware for many years. He is the Sheldon Cooper of The Big Bang Theory.  

Now let us understand this organic hype a little. In US, products made entirely with certified organic ingredients and methods can be labeled "100% organic," while only products with at least 95% organic ingredients may be labeled "organic." Where producers cannot use the term legally without certification, using currently undefined terms like "authentic" and "natural", are emerging. 

Natural, organic and 100% organic is so confusing I thought I will explain them using a concocted skit that has Koundamani and Senthil as characters in the discussion. If you are not familiar with these Tamil cinema comedians, you can replace them in your mind with Wayne and Garth of Wayne’s World or Laurel and Hardy of yester years.

K:  Did you get the apple?

S:  Yeah, got it right here.

K:  Is it organic?

S:  It says it’s natural.

K:  You Coconut head… Did the apple talk?

S:  No, the label states the apple is natural.

K:  Does that mean it’s organic?                    

S:  Naturally.

K:  Is Natural Organic?

S:  Sure, it grows in nature doesn’t it?

K: You flat head… So, why does the label say natural and not organic?

S:  Because organic is natural and natural is organic. 

K:  100% sure?

S:  Yes naturally.

K:  Then it’s 100% organic.

S:  Huh?

K:  So according to you, the egg-head, 100% organic is more organic than organic and natural.

S: What about natural?  Nature is nature, which is 100%organic.

K:  Naturally you’d think that.  But natural is marketing.

S: So what you are saying is they could have put ‘marketing’ on the label instead of ‘natural’?

K:  You pumpkin head… Natural is a marketing gimmick.  It makes food & things look healthy and organic.

S:  So, let me get this straight.  Marketing is unnatural, so natural is not organic, and organic is not 100%.

K:  Naturally…

S:  Don’t start; I’m leaving.

Hopefully you are not as confused as Koundamani and Senthil.  Just remember “natural” is not synonymous with “organic” or “100% organic.” It is a term latched onto by the marketing departments.  And “100% organic” is the only labeling that is regulated to not have any chemicals in the product.

The gist of all this razzing and raving is that I cannot follow any diet program, simply because it is an expensive proposition.  I now understand why they say ‘Put money where your mouth is’. I will jump on that GM Diet band wagon, just as soon as the lady luck smiles and slips enough organic apples under my pillow... to pay for other organic vegetables!