A MINOR problem!

Of late I have been reading about new words that are being included in the dictionary. Recently it was ‘UNFRIEND’ – the opposite of befriending someone. It’s the act of removing someone from your friends list in the social networking site. When you unfriend your friend, I believe the individual doesn’t turn into your enemy, but you temporarily shun him or her. NOAD has named it the word of the year. There are so many of us who would be wishing that some similar word would be there in a marital relationship – UNWIFE or UNHUSBAND. Instead of divorce one can look at a short while separation. A hiatus. A reprieve or respite.

Years back they replaced the word DISABLED with DIFFERENTLY ABLED. Similarly the term "MENTAL RETARDATION" acquired pejorative and shameful connotations over the last two decades and euphemisms such as "mentally challenged" / "intellectual disability” / "developmental disability" / "developmental delay" replaced it. So between the times I got married (25 years ago) and now, I have gained some respectability when my wife describes me to others.

In 1999 I underwent, according to the medical fraternity, a "minor surgery". I have to say I was deceived beforehand (yah… very appropriate to use this word since the ‘minor surgery’ pertained to my right hand!). No, I wasn't tricked by my doctor. He was great and told me exactly what it would be like. But I guess I didn't believe it would be that bad because it was just "minor surgery."

None of the medical people ever uses the word "pain." They always say, "discomfort." I learned that in medical terminology, discomfort is somebody else's pain. Similarly, "minor surgery" is surgery on somebody other than the doctor talking about it. And for sure I was a major by age then.

Here's my point: this stuff hurts. Minor surgery or Adult surgery. For the person having it done, there's no such thing as "minor surgery." So next time, be nice when your employee wants an extra day off after having his ‘wisdom teeth’ removed (probably we should find an alternate term for these teeth as well… it seems that the person is deprived of wisdom when they are removed!). Have a little compassion for your wife with the broken toe (I hope Nataraj is reading this). Don't laugh at the guy wearing the neck collar even if he looks like ‘Quick Gun Murugan.’

I'm urging everyone to stop using the term "minor surgery." I want it removed from all dictionaries and medical texts.

If it's so minor, why did they knock me unconscious with an anesthesia?

If it's so minor, why did my wife have to fill out more forms than when we bought our house?

If it's so minor, why did my wife have to sign something saying that I wouldn't sue anybody in case they accidentally killed me?

If it's so minor, why did they make me wear one of those gowns that you have to be DIFFERENTLY ABLED to close? (and after closing it with difficulty one finds something that's hanging behind DIFFERENTLY)

If it's so minor, why was a sneeze by me a major event in the surgery hall?

So, I hope you'll join me in getting rid of the word "minor" from the medical vocabulary. If you're not convinced by all of the above reasons, I think you'll come aboard when I tell you about the bill I received. After all, there was nothing "minor" about the bill. If it was so minor, why did I have to pay Rs 50,000?