Keep it, toss it, sell it, or donate it.

We are a COLLECTORS family! Not that we all have an IAS qualification…but in the sense of accumulating things as memorabilia, mementos or just keepsakes, we are collectors. We accumulate, accumulate and accumulate. Be they polythene covers, or marriage thaamboola bags… or torn bed linen (to be used as rags while painting the house or doing some plumbing work)… take-away-food empty containers, soft-drink bottles… torn curtains / upholstery material (again for rags), or discarded old beddings (to be used as extra beds on the floor when guests come)… empty glass bottles, left-over painting / plumbing / carpentry / electrical materials, plastic tubs (that found use some decades back when there was water shortage in the city)… huge vessels used by my mother decades ago when we were a joint-family… or pens that don't work, broken Ganapathy idols (incidentally my wife has the hobby of collecting Ganesas in various materials, forms)… you name it, we have RETAINED it!

My wife’s argument invariably is “At some point in time, in our lives or in the lives of our future generations, these will come in handy”. No denial of this! Once I asked my wife for a polythene cover to store photocopies of documents of my two-wheeler. She gave me five covers of different sizes and asked me which one would suit my purpose and how MANY would I require. I was simply floored! On another occasion there was some minor plumbing work at home and I asked for some rags to block a pipeline. Instantly she pulled out from underneath the cot, a trunk box full of torn clothes and asked me to choose. And there it is. Who am I to complain about my people accumulating unwanted things? They are collecting only utilities, values, conveniences and practicalities… there, that sounds better than saying ‘clutter’.

My house does look like the aftermath of an earthquake. I’ve got to throw or give stuff away. But how can I do it without the consent of others. Giving away things is not easy for a born collector of things like my wife. Even the smallest thing seems to create conflict. Throwing away a empty milk sachet, an old magazine, a cute card or something that someday someone somewhere might be able to use is traumatic.

Humans are genetically hunters and gatherers, but the gathering thing has reached epic proportions in my house. I have never thrown away a single greeting card my daughter or son has ever given / sent me. Then there is this GUY clutter in our house. It is mostly about tools… My son has enough tools to equip a multi-car-brand workshop that can take care of tinkering to painting to engine-overhaul. And recently when he went to Total Mall with my brother-in-law, he got a cute multi-tool piece resembling a Swiss Knife that had screwdrivers, a LED flash light, a small wrench etc. to fill in the lacunae!

Another trait of my son Prashanth... He detests every bit of clothing he owns. On an occasion - a Wedding Reception -  I pulled out a Kurta from the wardrobe (that I maintain for him… he never buys clothes or put them to wash or give them for pressing) for him to wear. He looked at it and said, “What? Are you crazy? In a city like Chennai, who will wear a full sleeved, jazzy embroidered outfit like this? It will be too hot”. But later when I attempted to give it away he developed a sentimental attachment to it and said something like, “JeeJoo got this from Rajasthan and how dare you give it away?”

My wife owns so much stuff, she often has to spend days searching for something or other. I extend, at times, my assistance. Thank god I am not suicidal! Otherwise when you visit my home and jerk open my wife’s closet, you will find me rolling out of it dead, along with all the junk. But I know that it could be weeks before either you or my wife will find my body :-)

Other than the ones I listed initially in this post, my wife saves these as well... just in case.

Cardboard boxes: Need these in case we move... in case we run out of firewood... and in case I need a place to hide.

Fancy china and stainless-steelware: Just in case we get a sudden visit from the Prime Minister. Otherwise on a daily routine, my son, my daughter and I get the crummy stuff. Our friends and family also get the second-rate plates, forks and spoons.

Ill-fitting clothes of Prashanth and mine: Half the clothes haven't fitted Prashanth since 1991... the year he was born! But we're saving them just in case Pavithra my daughter delivers a boy. Similarly for me if that miracle diet works… I have to fit into the waist 30” wardrobe, according to my wife!

Exercise machine: The fancy Elliptical / Orbitrek… keeping all those spiders in shape and at times the vacuum cleaner in working condition! It looked really appealing in those television ads, when someone else was doing the sweating. My wife thought the fat would just disappear, but the only thing that disappeared was my money!

The other day I was telling my wife how to get rid of clutter: “Ask yourself ‘Have I owned whatever this thing for more than two years and never worn it or used it?’ and if your answer is Yes, then throw it out”. Quick was her retort… “I have never found any use of you for over a decade now, and out you should go first”.

The late comedian George Carlin said, “Your house is a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get… more stuff!”

Better not discuss this topic any further. Pointing out your partner’s clutter never leads to a happy ending… or for that matter less clutter!